Break Ups - The Friends Edition

I want to talk about break ups - the friends edition.  And no, not the television show Friends, but when you and a friend break up.

Some people stay friends from diapers to death bed.  Some friends are seasons in your life.  Some go just as quickly as they appeared.  And the list goes on and on.  

I've been on both sides of a friendship ending.  I've broken up with people and people have broken up with me.  And each time it's been for different reasons.

In elementary I went through a few best friends because I went to two different elementary schools.  Junior high I made a core/strong-ish group of friends.  In high school things changed.  My elementary friends, with the exception of one, didn't come with me to my adolescent group of friends.  Even my jr. high friends didn't make it to my senior year.  I can only look back now and believe that that has to be normal, but who knows.

In my adult life I've really narrowed it down to two, maybe three, strong girlfriends.  They're my true-blues.  The ones that (I pray) will be with me throughout the rest of my journey.

But let's focus back on the break ups:

Some break ups (from my end) were because I simply felt like I outgrew the person.  This was especially so when I was in college.  I remember being with one friend in particular and, as terrible as it sounds, I had nothing to talk with them about anymore.  We weren't in the same phase of life anymore, we were losing our common ground.  The communication on my end became less and less until I stopped trying all together.  And when this person would reach out to me, I put little to no effort.  I can admit that because I own it.  I was breaking up with this friend.

Now for a time a friend broke up with me - I can't tell you why she chose to cut me out, but she did.  I remember our communication started to dwindle rapidly and obviously.  Before the beginning of the end of our friendship this girl and I were attached at the hip.  We went though what I think of as my dark/wild side together.  We made plenty of stupid choices that when I think about now I roll my eyes at my 16-19 year old self.  She knew so many of my secrets and I hers.  But something changed when we were nearing 22 years old.  The shift started before then, and I remember inviting her to my 22nd birthday party and I never heard from her again.  No phone calls, no texts, nothing.  And I wasn't even upset.  I knew it was coming and that she had her reasons and I accepted that this was how it was going to be from now on.  

That sounds all peachy keen but there's a dark story of when a friend decided that a friendship with me was not what she wanted.  This girl and I had bonded in elementary but once we got in to junior high, the winds of change blew her in to this complete other direction.  We went from sleep overs and parties at each others house and watching every single Disney movie in her tv room singing as loud as we could to the songs to annoy her brother to, well, something else.  In junior high (does anything good happen in junior high?) she started to hang around a different group of girls, which was normal, but what wasn't normal was that this particular group of girls decided that I was going to be the target of their bullying.  And this friend of mine went along with it.  And it lasted like that until the end of our high school days.  Snide comments to me in the hallways, making fun of what I was wearing in front of others, going around campus telling others that they were going to "jump me" (aka beat me up), which btw, never happened.  In college and when Facebook became a thing this lost friend of mine requested me along with one of the other girls who took delight in being rude to me.  And you know what, I didn't approve them.  Childish?  Sure, why not.  But no-you do not get to be my "internet" friend without acknowledging that you were actually pretty awful to me after you broke up with me.  

Friendship break ups happen.  They're normal.  People change and people change their minds.  It's kind of like dating however, I think friendship break ups are worse in their own way.  It's literally a person that you have no romantic confusing feelings for each other telling you "I don't want to be your friend anymore."  Ouch.

What I can say that I've learned in these past 34 years is that I beyond value the friends that I have today.  And if there ever comes a day that a break up should be on the horizon, I hope that we can have as much open communication about it as possible.  But let's hope that never happens.

What about you?  Have you been on either end of the friendship break up?